justbreathe

Last summer my parents took my younger sister and me on a vacation to the Dominican Republic. The men, like the island, were beautiful! And they seemed to love me. It was overwhelming the amount of attention I received from these men! I am confident about my looks, but I’m a curvy girl that wouldn’t necessarily stand out in a crowd, so having lots of random men faun over me was not what I expected (except when I was in Italy).

There was one particular man that pursued me further than the rest – Cristian. He was a surf instructor at the beach by our hotel. He had the cutest accent and a body chiseled to perfection from long days walking the beach and riding the waves. Honestly though, I kind of ignored him at first. He was hot and I enjoyed the attention, but I wasn’t interested in anything more than that.

The evening before we left I was walking on the beach taking pictures of the kite surfers on the water. Cristian saw me and we began talking – well as best we could with his broken English and my almost non-existent Spanish. And then he kissed me. It was harmless fun and the most romantic evening of my life. I felt like I was living in a romance novel with the beach and the wind and the exotic Latin man. We exchanged numbers and e-mails and the next morning I boarded a plane secure, though a bit saddened, in the knowledge that I would never hear from him again.

Except I did.

The next day he called me! I was overwhelmed! It must have cost him so much to call to the States and I know he said that his family did not have much money. We continued contact speaking once a week or so and my affection for him grew. By September I knew I needed to go back and see if there was actually anything there. The uncertainty was unbearable. So little more than three months after my first trip I headed back down to the Dominican Republic and had the most romantic weekend of my life. It was filled with sun and beaches and steamy nights. By the time I came home I was smitten and he was too. This was a crazy romance novel that was becoming real.

When we spoke he would often tell me about his families’ illnesses and not having anyone to teach surf lessons to and needing money, but he only asked me for money once, about a month after my second trip. He said he was getting a passport so he could apply for his Visa to come visit me. And, because I knew that if it weren’t for me he wouldn’t have this expense, I wired him $100 with a note saying I worked hard for my money and could not send more any time soon.

That’s when I stopped hearing from him. Slowly I stopped receiving adorable, romantic text messages in garbled Spanish. And his calls stopped coming. I’d call or text him once a day and he wouldn’t respond. Eventually, in my distress, I went searching for him on the internet. That’s where I discovered the sanky.

This is a phenomenon that takes place in many countries throughout the world, but the Dominican Republic may be the worst. Sankies are usually lower-class individuals of developing countries that prey on unsuspecting tourists. These sankies (most commonly resort workers) meet men or women and romance them into falling in love with them and convince them to send them money (sometimes small fortunes even). There are some accounts of sankies who had women in countries all over the world – all sending him or her money! Sankies can be men or women but are more prevalent among men.

When I read this information and the way the sanky works, the evidence was overwhelming. My Cristian was a sanky. And I was an idiot! Not only that, but the few places that actually mention sankies on-line criticize and condemn the women for being so foolish as to fall for their tricks. Members of these forums suggest that all the women seduced by them are middle-aged, unattractive, fat, and stupid. I have spoken with other women who have been duped, and I assure you that is not the case!

It is as though this issue is being swept under the rug and women are being used and, essentially, raped in physical, emotional and financial capacities. This is an issue that women should be warned of! And this is not something they should feel ashamed about. Why should someone feel ashamed of trusting another human? Ashamed for allowing themselves to feel?

Women need to know that this threat exists. Tell them of the risk. For more information about sankies, visit the following web-sites:

http://dr1.com/articles/sankies.shtml
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanky-panky

I will step down from my soapbox now.

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